pleas

February 24 2017

death

susangayhart Poetry alone, angry, answers, antidepressants, anxiety, clinical depression, complex puzzle, death, depressed, depression signals, doubts, freedom, friendships, god, help, Major Depressive Disorder, panic attacks, pleas, sadness, self aware, suicidal depression, suicide prevention, suidical depression, treatment resistant depression, wonder

Death, it lives inside me
it makes it hard for me to breathe
it causes me to have a difficult time concentrating
to see things straight and clear

My interior mind is jumbled
similar to a complex puzzle
I’m finding that none of the pieces fit
I often wonder why I got this puzzle

I look to the sky to locate the answers
thought “God” might know the reason why
but He leaves me hanging and guessing
I beg him and plead with him please

I believe God holds the strings to my life
as time goes on I start to doubt myself and God
I mean how could a “God” that loves, allow such pain
as life continues and I start to wonder if there is a God

I wonder sometimes why I must stay in a place
where I wish not to be, I have become angry at the Lord
for allowing my heartache or anyone’s to linger so long
why won’t he accept me into his world, cut the strings and let me be free?
SEG

*Most of the poetry posted on my website was written during my teens and twenties. There are a few exceptions but typically I find myself wanting to journal regularly and write poetry if inspired. Poetry has been my therapist during many trying times. I have decided to post these poems because it reflects my history with suicidal depression and the struggles I encountered trying to cope with life and depression.