Klonopin

Hello again.  This is Susan from myketaminestory.com.  It has been a few days since my last blog.  I am disappointed in myself, but only a little bit.  I have not been putting my thoughts down.  However,  I have been able to get all the layouts and background work completed on my website; I am sure temporarily.  Although, I am feeling proud to say that I am slightly less stressed now.  I, unfortunately, am a type A personality so I am pretty driven.  I suppose by nature I don’t know how to relax.  I also believe I was conditioned.  This personality trait has its benefits as well as pitfalls.  I am also carrying the label of OCD sufferer.  It also has been my friend and my horrible nightmare.  I have to remind myself constantly of the importance of progress.  I don’t want to become overwhelmed and frustrated.  I am aware and can acknowledge these perceptions I have of myself and how they affect my interpretation of the world around me.  The variety of pills I have been prescribed over the years have definitely placed brick walls in my way.
I have been fortunate to have had a wonderful therapist for many years.  I acquired many tools for combating the demons.  I continue to use these coping strategies and can remarkably have them work in my favor.  The reason once again for this declaration is the use of Ketamine therapy.  Ketamine is truly my friend.  I received my Ketamine shots last Wednesday.  It has been 8 days now.  I usually do pretty well for ten days following my Ketamine shots.  It has been a struggle for me this past week with major issues with insomnia.  The major culprit for my lack of sleep is excruciating pain in my hands.  I have had the symptoms medically investigated with no answers.  I believe and according to the Ashton Manual the years of being over-prescribed with benzodiazepines used as treatment for my anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia.  All the damage my pharmacological history has caused and could have been avoided had I found Ketamine years ago.  That is why I have such an intense motivation to get this website more operational.  I went through years of trying and testing new cocktails of psychiatric drugs; in hopes to find enough relief to agree with everyone around me – life was worth living.  I was not a champion and I wanted out of the game.  My doctors were even less successful.  They had nothing to offer me.  I have grown to despise medications of all kinds.  I learned to have a deep mistrust for doctors and their reassurances that this combo would be the winner.  Many of the doctors in my past would just increase my ativan or klonopin and the results were numbness and long hours sleeping.  I was basically being heavily sedated waiting for the next cocktail to begin taking action and bring me back to life.  They all failed.  A couple combinations lifted the fog briefly but the side effects were unbearable and my body literally couldn’t handle the doses.  There have been many trips to the emergency room; far too many.  I am trying to accept my past and be grateful for my future.  I battle with the anger I still feel about the years I lost to the hands of pointless treatments.  I pray others won’t have to wait and will have the advantage of years of quality living.  I am on a mission to spread the word.  Ketamine works for Treatment Resistant Depression.  Pass it on.  Discuss it.  Tell a friend, doctor, teacher, neighbor, and why not tell a stranger too.  I am starting with this website because it is what I can do right now.  As I learn more I am sure to access many new avenues and I will be petitioning for the use of Ketamine as drug therapy for treatment resistant depression.  I get overwhelmed.  I center myself now.  Breathe.  I am doing what I can where I am today.  This is temporary.  I am healing.  And healing is not linear I am told.