fighting

February 9 2017

gone

susangayhart Poetry alive, alone, anxiety, clinical depression, dead inside, depressed, depression signals, desire, disappear, disappointments, effects without ketamine, emotions, fighting, guns, help, honesty, hospitalizations, insight, lonely, misery, pain, self aware, trigger

I feel so isolated
like I can’t relate to anyone
because no one truly knows me
or even cares to comprehend who I am

I feel completely dead inside
yet the pain is still very much alive
It’s fighting against me,
I want to end this awful suffering

The depression pulls me in and under
to a somber place, to a point
where I can’t control or react
to anything but hurt and disappointment

I want to close my eyes
and one day soon, very soon
end this dreadful misery
and be gone, to honestly disappear

To be gone, like the snow when it melts
like the sun when it sets
like a flower when it wilt and dies
I want to abandoned this life of mine
I should pull the trigger
SEG

*Most of the poetry posted on my website was written during my teens and twenties. There are a few exceptions but typically I find myself wanting to journal regularly and write poetry if inspired. Poetry has been my therapist during many trying times. I have decided to post these poems because it reflects my history with suicidal depression and the struggles I encountered trying to cope with life and depression.