agony

I have a problem that few understand
it’s a mental illness that I can’t stop or control
although I would love to be able to
this illness may never fade away
do I have the strength to cope with it?

A person once told me optimistically
have the power to get through today
try not to look forward to the day ahead
just attempt to live for the moment
for tomorrow may never arrive

In such despair and total agony
I find it difficult to think that way
I search each day to locate the ability
a place in my mind where I don’t obsess
about the past or what tomorrow may bring

I think and wonder nonstop, frightfully
will I feel such depression and anguish
tomorrow as I do currently I want to know
can I make it when all I want is to die
do I have the energy and desire to live for the day?

I must repeat in my mind over and over again
I have the courage and strength I need
to fight, to succeed and continue for just today
I remind myself I have the power within me
I only need to remember that each day as it occurs
SEG

*Most of the poetry posted on my website was written during my teens and twenties. There are a few exceptions but typically I find myself wanting to journal regularly and write poetry if inspired. Poetry has been my therapist during many trying times. I have decided to post these poems because it reflects my history with suicidal depression and the struggles I encountered trying to cope with life and depression.