Poetry – Page 12

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time for thoughts

February 13 2017

crying alone

susangayhart Poetry afterlife, alone, anxiety, apprehensive, clinical depression, crying, death, depressed, depression, depression signals, emotions, grief, help, hope, insight, insomnia, Major Depressive Disorder, mental health, mental illness, myketaminestory, observing, pain, panic attacks, suicidal depression, suicide, suicide prevention, suidical depression, tears, weeping

Alone, tears on my pillow
soaked through to my soul
doesn’t seem to matter much
if someone is lying next to me
I still feel hallow inside

Wetness on a torn piece on paper
index finger outlines emotions within
eyes focus on emptiness, I see nothing at all
it’s the same every day and night
suicide races through my mind

The stopping of my heart
words written on the shred of reality
a life that wishes merely to die
the weeping never seems to end
afterlife to me could be a start

I ponder regularly of death
of closing my wet lashes
and finally cease to exist
where I am no longer apprehensive
I solely hunger for my life to conclude
SEG

*Most of the poetry posted on my website was written during my teens and twenties. There are a few exceptions but typically I find myself wanting to journal regularly and write poetry if inspired. Poetry has been my therapist during many trying times. I have decided to post these poems because it reflects my history with suicidal depression and the struggles I encountered trying to cope with life and depression.

February 12 2017

today

susangayhart Poetry anxiety, birds, depression signals, ending, grief, gun, hospitalizations, lonely, longing, Major Depressive Disorder, mental health, mental illness, my world, myketaminestory, nature, observing, panic attacks, peace, sadness, singing, suicide prevention, suidical depression, symptoms, treatment resistant depression, voices

Things have changed for me now
each day now, all I feel is death
I’m aware of only the loneliness and terror
the days and nights
are so unbearable and horrifying

I find pleasure in nothing
why did this have to occur
just when I figured I had improved so?
that the illness had let go of me
but it’s much worse then I could imagine

The colors of the leaves
means nothing to me now
to me they seem rusty brown
even in the spring and summer
I experience nothing of beauty I once saw

I hear no birds singing sweetly outside
nothing but silence in the nature
I try to listen, but all that is there
are the voices in my head
telling me this is the end

My world changed and
Inside I am slowly fading
I’m certain I’ll be joining
The unknown, today
as I hold a gun to my head
SEG