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turning the page

a journey through darkness

February 12 2017

today

susangayhart Poetry anxiety, birds, depression signals, ending, grief, gun, hospitalizations, lonely, longing, Major Depressive Disorder, mental health, mental illness, my world, myketaminestory, nature, observing, panic attacks, peace, sadness, singing, suicide prevention, suidical depression, symptoms, treatment resistant depression, voices

Things have changed for me now each day now, all I feel is death I’m aware of only the loneliness and terror the days and nights are so unbearable and horrifying I find pleasure in nothing why did this have to occur just when I figured I had improved so? that the illness had let […]

February 11 2017

hallow

susangayhart Poetry alone, anger, anxiety, clinical depression, control, depressed, depression, depression signals, effects without ketamine, emotions, empty, feelings, grief, health care, help, insurance companies, ketamine, Major Depressive Disorder, myketaminestory, panic attacks, sadness, self aware, suicidal depression, suicide, suicide prevention, suidical depression, symptoms, treatment resistant depression, treatments

They said that they would help me they voiced that they cared enough not to let me down or let go so easily instead they left me feeling empty inside What they didn’t know is the insurance company had all the control to what I could have the people trying to help had no power […]

February 10 2017

voices

susangayhart Poetry depression signals, desire, devastation, feelings, freedom, heal, healthy thinking, help, lonely, mental illness, myketaminestory, panic attacks, recovery, sadness, scared, struggle, suicidal depression, suicide prevention, support, symptoms, treatment resistant depression, trust, voices, wounds

Why do the voices within me want me to die? the voices tell me that if people really cared they would find the time, but they have no time for me because the phone the phone never rings why when they told me they’d be there? The devastation that I feel means little or nothing […]

February 9 2017

from where i am standing

susangayhart Blog alone, anxiety, clinical depression, depressed, depression signals, desire, effects without ketamine, emotions, grief, help, hope, hospitalizations, insight, insomnia, ketamine, ketamine day, ketamine effects, Major Depressive Disorder, menopause, mental health, mental illness, myketaminestory, observing, panic attacks, rheumatology, sadness, suicidal depression, suicide, suicide prevention, symptoms, treatment resistant depression, treatments

Hello again. It has been a grueling week. I am sincerely using everything in me to stay afloat. I am reaching out when I need to. That is a massive accomplishment in and of itself. I am known as being stubborn and not asking for help until the only options often lead to hospitalizations. I […]

February 9 2017

gone

susangayhart Poetry alive, alone, anxiety, clinical depression, dead inside, depressed, depression signals, desire, disappear, disappointments, effects without ketamine, emotions, fighting, guns, help, honesty, hospitalizations, insight, lonely, misery, pain, self aware, trigger

I feel so isolated like I can’t relate to anyone because no one truly knows me or even cares to comprehend who I am I feel completely dead inside yet the pain is still very much alive It’s fighting against me, I want to end this awful suffering The depression pulls me in and under […]

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turning the page

today

hallow

voices

from where i am standing

gone

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