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turning the page

a journey through darkness

February 16 2017

the dream

susangayhart Poetry agoraphobia, alone, anxiety, clinical depression, depression signals, devil, distress, dream. gifts, exhausted, god, happiness, hell, lord, Major Depressive Disorder, mask, mental health, mental illness, pain, peace, suicidal depression, suicide, suicide prevention, suidical depression, symptoms, tired, tragic war, treatment resistant depression

The dream, that’s what it would be the dream to have just one day of peace this depression, it’s killing me if for some time I could be happy I’d continue to live and struggle just to be rid of this disease If I could find the joys of the world and not to feel […]

February 15 2017

under the sea

susangayhart Poetry alive, beauty, blackness, creatures, drowning, emotions, escape, fish, freedom, happy, heart, heartbreak, hope, inside, life, ocean, pondering, positive, sadness, searching

You look into the ocean waters and what is it you see? more than a dozen creative fish swimming by so freely and alive So much life underneath the sea It breaks my heart not to be, to be able to visualize the beauty only blackness and water drowning me If I could be allowed […]

February 14 2017

gone crazy

susangayhart Poetry acceptance, alone, antidepressants, clinical depression, dying, fear, friendships, gone crazy, grief, haunts, laughing, lonely, longing, mental health, mental illness, myketaminestory, observing, panic attacks, sadness, self aware, suicidal depression, suicide, suicide prevention, suidical depression, treatment resistant depression, unhappy, voices

My heart is dying inside what does all this mean? nothing really just reassuring me no one could truly love me I’m not worthy of unconditional love Because you see those that have tried leave so unhappily most of the time I often wonder why that is why can’t people accept who I am? oh! […]

February 13 2017

follow me upwards

susangayhart Blog antidepressants, anxiety, clinical depression, depressed, depression signals, Dr. Charles Moseley, Dr. Steven Levine, effects without ketamine, hospitalizations, insomnia, ketamine, Ketamine Advocacy Network, ketamine effects, ketamine infusions, ketamine shots, Major Depressive Disorder, myketaminestory, suicidal depression, suicide prevention, treatment resistant depression, www.ketamineadvocacynetwork.org

Hello again. I have been adding a few more things to the website and I am taking a much needed break to blog. I was thinking about my website and what else it needs in order to help. I decided to head over to a website that helped my family during the month leading up […]

February 13 2017

crying alone

susangayhart Poetry afterlife, alone, anxiety, apprehensive, clinical depression, crying, death, depressed, depression, depression signals, emotions, grief, help, hope, insight, insomnia, Major Depressive Disorder, mental health, mental illness, myketaminestory, observing, pain, panic attacks, suicidal depression, suicide, suicide prevention, suidical depression, tears, weeping

Alone, tears on my pillow soaked through to my soul doesn’t seem to matter much if someone is lying next to me I still feel hallow inside Wetness on a torn piece on paper index finger outlines emotions within eyes focus on emptiness, I see nothing at all it’s the same every day and night […]

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turning the page

the dream

under the sea

gone crazy

follow me upwards

crying alone

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