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turning the page

a journey through darkness

February 20 2017

lost

susangayhart Poetry alone, anger, baggage, communication, death, depressed, friendships, grief, insight, issues, longing, lost, relationship, suicide prevention, suidical depression, symptoms, tears, treatment resistant depression, trust

The anger that’s inside me oh, how the anger within me is on fire I often wonder if I’ll ever find the water to diminish it The relationship between us It just not right the tension, oh the awful tension sends flames straight to the sky I’m lost, so lost as to what to do […]

February 19 2017

memories

susangayhart Poetry agoraphobia, alone, antidepressants, anxiety, choices, doctors, ECT, hate, longing, Major Depressive Disorder, mental health, mental illness, misinformed, myketaminestory, observing, OCD, painful, panic attacks, sadness, self aware, stolen, suicidal depression, suicide, suicide prevention, suidical depression, symptoms, terror, treatment resistant depression, treatments

The panic I feel when things don’t go as planned I can’t breathe, think or know how to react my memory it does not help or ease the fright and that sense of anger overwhelms me due to my choice to have electro convulsive therapy I want to recall with all my might to be […]

February 18 2017

strength

susangayhart Poetry agony, alone, anguish, anxiety, clinical depression, courage, death, depression, depression signals, despair, die, emotions, mental health, mental illness, myketaminestory, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, power, strength

I have a problem that few understand it’s a mental illness that I can’t stop or control although I would love to be able to this illness may never fade away do I have the strength to cope with it? A person once told me optimistically have the power to get through today try not […]

February 17 2017

questions

susangayhart Poetry afraid, alone, anxiety, clinical depression, death, discover, dreams, heartache, insight, loneliness, Major Depressive Disorder, outdoors, panic attacks, suicidal depression, suicide, suicide prevention, suidical depression, symptoms, thoughts, treatment resistant depression

People tell me in my heart I really don’t want to die but in my mind I hear otherwise I can’t stop the thoughts in my head no matter how hard I try Even if I think of the outdoors of nature, the sun, the stars I can dream of the mountains and trees the […]

February 16 2017

too busy living

susangayhart Blog antidepressants, freedom, hope, ketamine, ketamine day, ketamine effects, ketamine infusions, ketamine shots, living, Major Depressive Disorder, myketaminestory, observing, treatment resistant depression, treatments

Hello again. I had every intention of blogging on the day of my Ketamine therapy. I was excited to get back home and share all the wonderful experiences I had and what I learned. I wanted to share what Ketamine therapy feels like before, during and after treatments. I had millions of thoughts racing to […]

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turning the page

lost

memories

strength

questions

too busy living

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