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turning the page

a journey through darkness

March 1 2017

spinning when i want to stand still

susangayhart Blog anxiety, clinical depression, death, depression, depression signals, effects without ketamine, emotions, grief, help, hope, ketamine, ketamine day, ketamine effects, ketamine infusions, ketamine shots, Major Depressive Disorder, mental health, myketaminestory, nasal ketamine, observing, panic attacks, symptoms, treatment resistant depression

Hello again. This is Susan from myketaminestory.com. I noticed that I haven’t been capable of writing lately. I am not taking time to journal. I feel like I am spinning when all I really want is to stop and just stand still. I want to take in the moment. I want to breathe in life. […]

March 1 2017

a balloon

susangayhart Poetry balloon, burst, contemplation, continue on, discover, evil, hope, meditation, questions, searching, unknown, wonder

I often wonder what if I was a balloon I marvel at what it may be like to resemble one to have someone want to hold me tight To never feel obligate to let go, or want to but instead I slip through their fingers and I begin to search for something, anything What would […]

February 28 2017

alive

susangayhart Poetry agoraphobia, alone, antidepressants, anxiety, clinical depression, depressed, depression, depression signals, emotions, hospitalizations, lonely, Major Depressive Disorder, mental health, mental illness, myketaminestory, observing, sadness, suicidal depression, suicide, suicide prevention, suidical depression, symptoms, treatment resistant depression

My body is solid, I’m alive or so they say my mind is in a whirl that keeps spinning round I put in my favorite tape and press play I hold the sharp razor to my right wrist I close my eyes and think only of harmony the peace I am seeking, imagine serenity ponder […]

February 27 2017

best friends

susangayhart Poetry butterfly, clinical depression, cocoon, emotions, friendships, help, hope, insight, memories, mental health, mental illness, myketaminestory, pain, protection, self aware, sharing, soil, suffering, time, treatment resistant depression

As I sit down to write I discover that no words could ever describe the feelings I have embedded in my heart It’s a special place I figured no one would locate I’ve been tortured so many times, that it cuts deep I realize that you have also been burnt but I never imagined that […]

February 26 2017

can’t walk it off

susangayhart Poetry alone, anxiety, autumn, clinical depression, colors, depressed, depression signals, foliage, fresh air, help, insight, insomnia, longing, Major Depressive Disorder, meditation, mental illness, myketaminestory, observing, panic attacks, running, sadness, self aware, suicidal depression, suicide, suicide prevention, suidical depression, symptoms, walking, winter

Whenever I’m depressed or anxious I’ll sometimes take a long walk which allows me to contemplate my life Walking in the autumn is I find especially nice looking at all the different colored leaves but discovering no comfort for winter will soon arrive I try breathing in the fresh air attempting to live for the […]

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turning the page

spinning when i want to stand still

a balloon

alive

can’t walk it off

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